6.25.2003

I had my Grandparents 50th wedding anniversary party on Sunday. I had a good time despite the fact it was five hours long and two hours drive each way. I felt really stupid for asking my cousin Pam how her husband was and then finding out they have been divorced for two years but oh well. My poor Great Grandmother was descended on as soon as she entered the room and posed like a cardboard cutout at the fair for over a half an hour; when I commented on all the attention she said "Its just because I'm old" hee I love her to bits. The same over friendly woman cornered me and later my uncle's girlfriend in the bathroom. She not only talked the whole time but asked questions, to me active conversations with strangers while simply trying to pee are a bad thing. A friend of my Grandfathers got plastered and groped every woman within his reach including during group pictures when he kept screwing with the woman’s hair in front of him and the first two pictures have them nearly coming to blows. Family they drive me crazy but I do actually miss getting together a few times a year like we used to. My Grandfather actually got me a "veterinarian" plate as he called it which is a big improvement because they thing of my diet as a decade long phase.
At work yesterday when it was near closing time and I was refolding the underwear tables three guys came up and started shaking underwear in my face while asking if I could fit into them and one began to swing a pair in a circle over my head while yelling. It got old quickly especially because he was smacking me in the top of the head with the panties. I got annoyed at myself because it took me half a minute to even say "just leave me alone". Charles told me he would be worried about the safety of the other person if they started screwing with me but I still think I actually suck at standing up for myself. *sigh* Sometimes I feel like I'm morphing back into the little girl I used to be instead of the woman I want to be....The I don't wanna grow up cuz I'm a Toys R Us kid song just started in my head lol, end of self pity. I'm going to read more of the new Harry Potter book, I don't know if I want him to grow up either. Do we want Harry to get hairy? (He should stay in a little time bubble)

6.04.2003

Is there anything more miserable than having to take a urine test and not being able to pee? I had to re-take the standard drug test before getting back on payroll. The waiting room felt like 15 degrees, it is not warm yet in Baltimore despite being June and I was actually shivering while waiting to be called. I chugged 2 cans of soda and tried to think of Niagara falls but it was still a good half hour before I could go. I know my prescription is going to come up looking like speed but hopefully I can just show them my prescription for my appetite suppressant at work , prove I'm not a junkie and get my crappy little job back.
New neighbors moved in over the weekend and their cat has adopted our yard. I have never been a cat person, probably because I have always had pets that cats would eat given half a chance (guinea pigs, hamsters, parakeets, rabbits etc.). The cat keeps trying to come in the back door whenever we open it, then looks all dejected when I shut the door and jumps back to its yard from our air conditioner. It has been downgraded from my initial reaction of "evil, wretched-bastard cat who will stalk my bunnies when I let them into the yard" to merely "the cat from next door". Its actually a pretty grey cat with yellow eyes, I would still prefer it to be a nice simple trustworthy dog but as long as it doesn't hurt my pets I'll try not to brand it evil .

5.29.2003

I always get the craziest messages in my fortune cookies, yesterday I got "You think it is a secret, but it never has been." What the hell? It’s like fortune cookie extortion or something.
I have been terrible about calling people since I came home but I was just so exhausted I needed to withdraw for a week or two and regroup. I talked to my cousin Robert the other day and apparently he deals with exhaustion through drunken debauchery, hey we're all different. I managed to bring my GPA up to a 3.5, I'm so twisted I got 4 A's and a B and I was really upset by the B. I don't know why I expect so much of myself, everyone else is proud of me.
I'm sort of dreading going back to work, I just don't want to deal right now. I just have to retake the drug test to get back on payroll so I'll probably call on Monday. It might be my last months at work there, I will have to take classes on the intersession semesters as much as possible after this summer to squish down three years of school to two and a half. My mom and I fought about that on the drive home from college, she didn't see how it was possible so I had to take out the course list and show her how I transferred in so many credits yet still need 3 years worth.
I watched the movie Kicking and Screaming on Bravo a few days ago and I am truly identifying with the character that had just graduated and thought he should go straight to retirement, Images of black socks and sandals against the crisp white of a Florida beach look good right now.

5.10.2003

I'm taking a break from doing a take home final exam. Its really nice to even have a few hours of time when I'm not working on something due the next day, I worked through like my last three weekends entirely. I've been listening to Roxy Music lately which I haven't heard since our record player broke when I was about ten. I always loved the Avalon album, I remember being shocked at the cover of country life as a kid; I think it's where I learned about pubic hair lol. I've also been listening to Elliott Smith, Marianne Faithful, Deadsy and Olivia Tremor Control.
I am addicted to Hamtaro now, the cutest little anime hamster of all time. He's kind of like Lassie, only with lots of buddies and well a hamster. Only ten days of college left *jumps for joy*
I watched the Matrix last night, my roommate insists she can't get into it. I haven't met anyone who didn't like that movie. I can't wait for the next one to come out and the game, the game looks great and comes out in time for my two week veg out period before I go back to work. The Sims 2 is supposed to come out early next year and have aging and DNA. It's about time, I love the game but after a while you want more than mere expansion packs.

4.29.2003

I actually finished the Vietnam war book I had to read for history. It was hard to read page after page on the different smells of death and various battlefield organ spillage. I've sworn to stop being a vegetable-less vegetarian this summer. Don't think I could ever eat peas, green beans or mashed potatoes (ugh the childhood memories) but there has to be more than mushrooms green peppers and artichokes out there that I find edible. I'm really going to start making an effort to be healthier or I'm not going to live to see thirty. My prescription diet pills haven't been doing anything on their own not surprisingly. A year later I'm still morbidly obese and they are really starting to screw with me, I think they are giving me dizzy spells and that I'm becoming addicted to them. I hate exercise and in fact moving my body period more than anyone else on earth but I guess something’s got to give. I'm going to have to at least start trying to walk at least 20 mins twice a week and cut back on my snacking. There I wrote it down in my blog so it would be more than an internal empty promise to myself. I'm still 70lbs less than my heaviest but I've got at least another 120 lbs to lose and it makes me feel overwhelmed sometimes.

4.25.2003

Well I have a computer again; not my computer but a great notebook one my mom is letting me borrow indefinitely. The last few weeks have been rocky. I tore ligaments in my ankle stepping off of the evil bunk bed ladder one night and the swelling is still refusing to go down (probably because I'm stubbornly not using my crutches). The school health center made me go to the hospital and get x-rays taken but luckily I didn't break anything. Any injury you have to preface the explanation of with "and I wasn't even drunk at the time" kinda sucks. I collapsed about a week later when my mom came to pick me up for Easter weekend probably due to the fact that I wasn't eating drinking or sleeping much and the previous 4 days had been crunched with essays and exams to do. The fact that I also have a hell of a lot more college left than I had anticipated also sunk in about yesterday when I had to actually plan out my classes. If I take intersession classes from here on out I still won't graduate until Winter 2005. I can't wait for summer vacation; I'll have to work and learn to drive but I could still rest. How anyone manages to do anything fun here is beyond me; I don't have enough time to even get all my work done and sleep more than 4 hours max. I'm going to quit my bitching now, it's not me it's the stress talking. It's Friday and instead of being able to go to the all day get drunk in a field for ten bucks party tomorrow I will be trying to work on 3 essays,2 speeches, trying to read an entire 400 pgs on Vietnam and researching in the library.

3.18.2003

I just got done my presentation for my African History course, I'm really glad it's over with. I guess I did okay, people told me I did well but I always think I look like a buffoon. We had a 30 minute question and answer period where people were asking things not in the reading and information is so sketchy and conflicting from outside sources about ancient Africa I didn't know how to answer some of them. On Thursday I spend a day in a classroom observing a teacher from 8-3:30 so that should be interesting. Friday afternoon I get to go home for spring break; I am such a crispy critter right now that a break is like mana from heaven. I'm taking a break before I start studying for my quiz tomorrow, I deserve one damn it lol.